An Open Letter to the Class of 2017

Dear Incoming First-Years,

I still find it a little nauseating to think that there's a Class of 2017.  Nothing personal, it's just a scary reminder that I'm actually graduating.  2017 feels so far away, but then again I said the same thing four years ago about my senior spring and now look where we are.  If you're wondering why I'm writing this, it's because panic is setting in as the clock ticks down to May 19th and it terrifies me to think that after four years of intense investments of time, emotion, energy, thought, advocacy, patience, and love, I have to leave Colgate in the hands of not only my peers but of hundreds of strangers who are starting right where I started four years ago.  And I think what scares me the most is how little I knew as first-year, and that I won't be there to pass on what I've learned to the newest incarnation of first-year me.  So since I won't be here to tell you in person, I'm writing you this letter.

Let me start over.  Hello!  You are about to start one of the most exciting, terrifying, frustrating, encouraging, enlightening, challenging, and beautiful adventures of your life.  I'm sure you've heard that a million times, but when I say it I don't mean it as some monolithic prescription for what your Colgate experience will be.  Some of you will love Colgate to pieces, as I've come to over the years, but I certainly didn't start there, and some of you will be a lot less satisfied with your experience.  Colgate harbours both streams of experience for several reasons, some of which I'll clue you into here, but others of which you must find for yourself.  But regardless of how you feel about your experience once that diploma's in your hands (or should you decide Colgate is not for you, when you've finally shut that proverbial door), this is your new home for the next four or so years.  Contrary to how we behave here sometimes, Colgate is the real world, just a highly distilled and particular specimen of the larger culture.  You will live here with about 3000 other people and as is the central issue of all human history, you must learn how not to destroy each other.

What I have to say might not apply to you.  It might apply to you more than you ever thought possible to ask.  You'll just have to find out.

I've prepared a list of 13 (of course) things that should you learn nothing else here, I hope you at least learn these:

1) YOU ARE NOT ALONE.  You'll meet people here who will genuinely care about you.  It might not always feel like it, and we like to hide behind our alcohol to avoid that fact, but everyone else is just as scared as you are of making connections, and the only way to overcome that particular fear is by letting yourself connect.  I know especially for minority students (believe me I know #tokentrannyproblems), this campus can be alienating, but you'll be surprised how nice people here are if you just ask.

2) NO means NO, and YES means YES.  The hook-up culture is frankly weird and it bleeds into how we interact with each other in the morning because this school is so small.  Whether you choose to participate or not (and there are people who don't, FYI), make sure you're respecting yourselves and each other.  Sexual assault is a huge issue on this campus, and it's created by a lot of power structures that we try to combat here at the Center for Women's Studies (see number 6).  But not only can we think about consent in the no-means-no paradigm (it really is that simple), but we can also think about it in a much more sex-positive way.  HINT: sex is soooo much better when both parties (or more if that's your pleasure) are a) not blackout (WARNING: PEOPLE WHO ARE BLACKOUT CAN'T CONSENT.  PERIOD.  DON'T EVEN TRY.) and b) actively interested in participating.  If you're not quite sure if hooking up is for you, don't feel pressured to do it anyway.  And if you maybe want to try some things but not others, absolutely let your potential partner know that (see number 1).

3) Check your privilege at the door.  Okay, so that's kind of cliche, but actually, get over yourself.  Probably the one thing that scares me most about first-years is maturity.  This is the first time that a lot of you might be exposed to people of different beliefs, races, sexual orientations, gender identities, socioeconomic stati, abilities, etc.  It's good to be curious; really good.  But it's even better to be respectful.  Some of us are absolutely gung-ho about sharing our experiences (you can literally ask me anything I swear), but don't assume that just because someone's identity is different from yours that you have a right to their life story.  Oh, and if they say this is who they are, this is who they are.  You are not the expert on their name or gender or other identity.  If I say I'm a girl, I'm a girl, and that's that.  Also, we all have something unique about us that makes us feel inadequate or misunderstood.  Similarly, all of us have privileges, they just might be different and in larger degrees for some.  Bottom line, be respectful, and try to see where your privileges and oppressions lie.  Chances are, you aren't alone in them.

4) Don't be polite; be kind.  There are few things I dislike more than polite people.  It is not because I think we should all be rude.  It's because it's fake.  I want to see people who are genuinely kind, who actively care about other people that are important to them.  If you really want to know, ask, but don't ask because you have to, ask because you want to know the answer.  If you ask how I am, I'm going to tell you, and you probably won't like what I have to say.  If you don't understand my identity, don't assume, but also don't ask and then make a big deal about how you're so enlightened now.  I'm a person just like you.  I do random boring stuff just like you.  Sometimes the best friends are those who don't care about the other stuff, they just see you the way you see you (emphasis on sometimes).

5) Be curious, be involved, be bold.  This campus is overprogrammed.  Which I find hilarious because I literally see the same 100 people participating in EVERYTHING.  Clearly there's a giant block of people on this campus who don't really do anything.  We need to find a way to condense our events so that we can actually go support each other, but we also actually need people to show up.  If you have an interest, follow it.  Don't be scared, the people in the organizations that you're looking at (most of the time) actively want you to be there.  If we don't get new members, we die.  And clubs dying is sad.  You'll be surprised who you meet when you try something new, and it might just end up being something you're really passionate about.  Don't worry about the first-year clique bullshit that I see all the time.  I know it's hard to step out of your friendship bubble, but there are some really cool people waiting to share something with you that both of you are equally fired up about.

6) Shameless plug: the Center for Women's Studies is NOT just for women.  If you're any sort of gender or sexual minority or are close to someone who is (or are just a curious ally), the Center for Women's Studies might just be your new home.  And it certainly feels like one.  We're actively invested in changing the culture of this school for the better, and we want you (all of you) to be part of that conversation.  It is one of the safest spaces on this campus and the various feminisms that go on there are absolutely interested in finding the intersections of many people in our community.  You just might be one of them.  The Center is for women, but also for men and other gender identities who want to talk about gender, and it's a broad conversation.  Chances are you'll be surprised at just how broad a net a gendered lens can cast.  Oh, and by the way, "Feminism" is probably NOT what you think it is.  The number of capital-F Feminists on this campus is very small, and even they're not as scary as you think they are.  We like to talk about feminisms (plural), because contrary to popular opinion, all of us see the road to gender equality differently and focus on different ways to get to the same goal.  My feminism looks way different than yours or someone else's might look.

7) Both Greek-affiliated and non-Greek-affiliated students go to school here.  Let's try to coexist (see number 1).  The Greek system needs reform.  Not disbanding, not continued reign over the social sphere, reform.  The hook-up culture, the drinking culture, and the patriarchal culture we inherited from pre-coeducation Colgate all reinforce each other to make this campus a pretty messed up place.  And try as we might, we can't change one without changing the other two.  (And until America gets its life in check and lowers the drinking age, we can't really do a whole lot about the drinking culture anyway.  see 9)  A huge piece of that puzzle is the Greek system.  There is already a petition in place to address the sexism in the number of sororities versus the number of fraternities on campus, which is a step in the right direction.  But more needs to be done.

There was a group of students last year who were invested in dismantling the Greek system, and this issue got tied into a larger discourse about racism, sexism, and homophobia that was circulating at the time (see number 8).  I don't think this will solve the problem, because these organizations don't go away; they go underground.  The bigger issue is that there is very little inter-fraternity or inter-sorority bonding, and these institutions of hegemonic masculinity and femininity reinforce compulsory heterosexuality.  I want to see a world where a guy treats me the same when he sees me one on one as when he sees me when he's with his brothers.  I don't see that very often.

My point is, Greek life has an obvious draw for some people.  Not so for others.  I don't think that means we can't be friends.

8) Colgate has a history, and it's chock full of sexism, racism, homophobia, transphobia, and a bunch of other -isms.  Don't let's sugar-coat it; Colgate's got a long way to go.  To quote This is Not a Play about Sex, "diversity on this campus is a bullet point on a pamphlet".  I have literally faced institutional discrimination every semester I've been here, and I'm not the only one.  It's gotten better since I first came here.  Your preferred name can now be used in official communications.  Gender neutral housing is (as far as I know) about to become a reality.  TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THESE ACCOMODATIONS.  Because those who came before you fought long and hard for everything that you now can take for granted.  ALANA and HRC are the result of intense social movement on this campus.  So was coeducation, and the Center for Women's Studies, and the response to the hate speech on the coming out doors.  Change is possible.  But let's also not forget that change was necessary in the first place.

9) At Colgate it's a typical Thursday.  In the 'real world', it's Alcoholism.  I didn't drink my first year.  Neither did a lot of my friends.  Now we're the center of the party, and oh yeah, my liver's already shot.  The pressure to drink on this campus is enormous.  So much so that it might surprise you that when Colgate students go to other schools and party, they get a reputation for being fricking insane.  According to the Princeton Review, we're ranked number 4 nationally in the category of "Lots of Beer" (why this is even a category is inherently fascinating to me).  In the rest of the states, let alone if you go abroad, we're kind of an anomaly in terms of drinking habits.

That's not to say don't drink.  I'm saying, it's hard not to, and I think that's not okay.  I remember the first time I was at a party (my second night of college), I felt like I lost something, a kind of innocence.  Because never again would it be enough to do things together sober.  Alcohol is not the center of the universe, and it shouldn't be the center of ours either.  There are plenty of dry events on this campus that are actually really fun (see 5), especially in groups of close friends that you feel comfortable being sober around (see 1).  Because that's the real issue.  We trust each other drunk implicitly; that's the only way we get away with half the shenanigans we do.  Sober, we don't trust each other at all.

10) The goal of the game is not to see who's the most stressed.  It's to get a degree.  Literally every one I know does it.  It's the Busy Olympics.  We out-do each other trying to show just how much we have going on at once and complaining how stressed we are.  In the very same breath, we joke about how we haven't done our homework in a month, how many classes we skipped, and the fact that we're not starting our paper until the morning it's do (I'm guilty of all of these).  Part of it is cultural.  A few years ago, author Liz Funk came to Colgate and talked about "Supergirls", girls who feel like they have to do everything just to get a foothold in a patriarchal culture.  We're killing ourselves trying to overachieve because we don't eat, don't sleep, and don't believe we deserve to take a break.  And when we do indulge in 'me'-time, it's an indulgence, not a part of mental health.

This is bass ackwards.  You shouldn't have to double major and take five and a half classes and be president of two clubs with mono in order to be seen as a success.  And you shouldn't have to drink yourself to death four nights in a row to be seen as socially well-adjusted (for the irony of that, see 9).  There is a joke that in college you have to pick two of the following: good grades, a social life, and sleep.  But I did the math.  If the recommended daily amount of sleep is 8 hours, that leaves 8 hours for school work and 8 hours for a social life.  A DAY.  That means even if you have four classes on one day of the week, you can spend four more doing homework, get a good night's sleep, be involved in clubs for 4 hours straight, and still have time to get your party on.

By the way, procrastinating on facebook is only partial credit for "social life" (see 1)

11) You're here to learn.  My dad has said this to me nonstop since I was in elementary school.  "You're there to learn."  And yeah, on the basic definitional level, I'm at school to get an education.  Duh.  And obviously what he means is, "you're there to learn, not goof off and waste your time doing whatever it is you do" (see 10, and also 3).  But I think there's more to it than that.  I think on a cosmic level, we're all at Colgate to learn something.  Maybe we'll learn it in a classroom.  Maybe we'll learn it vomiting into a toilet at 3am.  Maybe we'll learn it when a friend is a victim of sexual assault.  Maybe we'll learn it when we inherit a group from the seniors.  Maybe we'll learn it when we meet our best friend.  Maybe we'll learn it when we have to leave.  All I know is I've learned more here in the past four years than I ever thought possible, and I shudder to think of the person I would have become had I not come here.  I think, the thing I learned most here is myself.  Xavia Publius didn't exist four years ago.  Ze's here now.  I learned to be proud of that.

12) DON'T PANIC  Chances are, you're gonna do something stupid in college.  That's what it's here for.  Just fix it and move on, and learn from it (see 11).  That something stupid might be your major.  If you're one of those, congratulations!  Welcome to the very very large club.  Turns out, this is an economy for a certain type of person.  If you went to Colgate, you're either absolutely that type of person (see 3, but not necessarily), or you're absolutely not.  By the time 2017 rolls around (and it will roll around), you might be wondering why you didn't choose a more 'sensible' major.  DON'T PANIC.  I'm panicing, but that's because we live in a transphobic society (okay, fine, minority students, you're allowed to panic a little.  This is 'Murica after all).  But I've realized that panicing won't help me.  You know what will?  Feeling something.  I hate to out everyone on campus simultaneously, but we're ALL. NERDS.  We're some of the best and brightest from our high schools.  Even the most brain-dead-seeming person at this school got the grades to get in here.  And furthermore, despite the fact that we all look like there was an attractiveness portion of the application, we're really, really smart, and that made getting through high-school a little bit more difficult.  Each of us has a kryptonite, that one thing that we will fangirl about for hours if you let us.  It's the thing we love most about this little planet we call home.

DON'T PANIC.  According to the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, the way to fly is to throw yourself at the ground and miss.  Not sure how to miss the ground?  Think of that thing you love, the thing you want to live the rest of your life loving.  If you let yourself get distracted enough in your favourite thing, you'll forget how stressful being a real person can be.  There's a place for us, somewhere.  We just have to find it.  And it's scary, but you've got your towel with you, cleverly disguised as a Colgate diploma that holds within it everything you've ever learned here.  And trust me, compared to some of the crazies we keep hearing about on the news?  You'll be just fine.

13) TL;DR  You live here now.  This is your home.  Respect it and each other like your life depends on it (it does).  Remember how I said Colgate has a history?  (see 8 if you don't)  Part of the danger of forgetting history is to repeat it.  But the blessing of forgetting history is the ability to think outside of it, to forge new alliances based not on old hatreds, but on the simple human desire to connect.  The future of Colgate is in your hands now.  It no longer matters if you are capable or not; admissions seems to think so.  The time has come, (as we say in the drag world) for you to lip sync for your life.  Don't f*** it up.  (see 12)

Take care of each other.

Love,
Xavia Publius '13

My Experience With Feminism

About a month ago, Elizabeth Marino contributed a courageous article to the Maroon News in which she discussed “The Definition of Feminism.” I will not recount all of what she said as anyone who wants to can simply look it up online (for those of you who haven’t read it, I encourage you to do so). I will, however, mention her main point, which was this: feminism isn’t defined by radical ideals; it is defined by the desire for equality. Despite the simplicity of the concept, many people continue to harbor ill feelings towards feminists, and feminism as a whole. These ill feelings, albeit sprung from ignorance, are feelings that have significantly influenced my own identification with feminism, especially on Colgate’s campus.

I have had a difficult time negotiating my identity as a feminist because of the negative stereotypes that are associated with feminism. As Elizabeth mentioned, feminists are commonly stereotyped as angry, man-hating, hairy, butch lesbians and are thus viewed in opposition to traditional notions of “normalcy.” As a woman who enjoys accentuating her femininity and participating in the mainstream culture at Colgate, it was hard for me to identify as a feminist. Many of the women I interacted with at the Women’s Studies Center were so comfortable in their identity and were so unafraid of speaking up for what they believed in. Witnessing the fervor with which they voiced certain beliefs that I did not share made me question whether I was truly feminist enough.

I was also hesitant to identify as a feminist because I was afraid that people would judge

me. Of course there are many individuals on campus that are accepting and have nothing bad to say about Women’s Studies as a concentration or feminism as a whole. Unfortunately, however, this is not the norm. I cannot count the amount of times that I have been met with an ignorant comment, a condescending question, or a stupid joke simply because there are too many to count. With each comment, question, or joke, I became more and more introverted about feminism. I am a dual concentrator with English and Women’s Studies, but I found that, when asked my major, I would never mention my Women’s Studies concentration. It could be argued that my experience simply highlights my own individual weakness, something I am genuinely embarrassed of. After becoming more involved in the Women’s Studies Center this semester, however, I have come to realize that this is not simply an individual issue.

As a society we are often taught to question ourselves, not the society in which we live. It is because of our society, however, that many, like me, fear expressing feminist beliefs. The issue isn’t the people who are uncomfortable with identifying as feminists; the issue is the stigma associated with feminism. Elizabeth addresses this stigma in her article, but I would like to reiterate that there are many forms of feminism and that you don’t have to be radical to be a feminist. Gloria Steinem eloquently states, “The story of women’s struggle for equality belongs to no single feminist nor to any one organization but to the collective efforts of all who care about human rights.” Feminism is a collective effort and if you believe in liberty, justice and equality, all fundamentally American beliefs, then you too identify as a feminist.

This being said, my original belief that I wasn’t feminist enough was completely wrong. I have found that I can participate in the mainstream culture on campus while still maintaining my integrity and feminist beliefs. I believe that having a foot in both worlds actually gives me a bit of an edge whenever I find myself in debates with others. I am an everyday feminist: a non-radical feminist who performs feminism throughout the course of her everyday activities. It wasn’t until recently, however, that I came to terms with my own feminism and my transformation is owed in part to my Women’s Studies Capstone. Without a supportive group and without the motivation to step out of my comfort zone, I can’t say that I would have had the courage to openly identify as a feminist as I have done here. Support is a strong motivator and is something that defines every great movement. With this being said, I would also like to acknowledge and thank the WMST bloggers for their contributions and for their courage to speak up. As Professor Loe told me, “All feminists need support for what they do!” It took me four years to find my feminist voice, and to openly support others as I hope to have done here for Elizabeth. Now, I challenge you to do the same.

-Ariel Rivera '13

 

A Response to fratstar696969@yahoo.com

(This is an article written by Christina Liu which will be posted in the final Maroon News of the semester)

Last semester on October 27 hours after the opening of my show This Is Not A Play About Sex, I received an anonymous email from a self-proclaimed “anonymous douchebag fratboy” using a “throwaway email address” who shared with me some of his thoughts on the hook-up culture at Colgate. He refers particularly to the monologue “Pleasure Party” where a female character who spent her Colgate career negotiating body issues, self-esteem problems, and the imbalance in what she perceives as a male-dominated hook-up scene wonders aloud why it is that women  have to expect to be treated like shit by men on this campus. Here are some of fratstar69’s thoughts on the matter, and here is my long overdue response:

Dear Christina Liu,

Great job on the play…I'd like to offer my perspective as one of those 'douchebag fratboys' that [the monologue] is referring to.

…It seems that every girl complains about guys not 'wanting' to commit, but what it comes down to is - if we show signs that we want to commit, you'll lose interest in us… I used to be that guy my freshmen year. The girls that I were interested in, I treated them with respect. When they were blackout, lost, and confused, I walked down the hill to find them, bring them safely back up to their dorm, get them water and food, and made sure they passed out in their bed without taking advantage of their state of mind - even when they asked me to.  I never got anywhere with those girls.  I didn't realize until joining a fraternity that that was not what girls were actually attracted to…

It really sucks having to pretend to be someone who I'm not to get attention from women that I'm attracted to.  I'm with an amazing girl right now… But to get to this point, I had to be an asshole to her, play with her emotions, and destroy her self-esteem from time to time. It feels terrible having to hurt someone you truly like and care about, hook up with her friends who I did not want to hook up with at all, blow her off to make her wonder what I was up to, just so that she wouldn't write me off as just a friend. I really wish that I could have just asked her out on a date and be upfront with her, but if I did so, we wouldn't be together right now.

Sorry to everyone that I've been a jerk to. Sorry to everyone that I've kept wondering if I'd call back or not, if I'm interested or not.  I hope you'll understand my perspective and why I do these things. I don't know if my actions are justified or not, but the truth is, it does bring results.  I think that most guys here at Colgate will attest to the fact that being a dick attracts more attention and interest than otherwise.

Sincerely,
Anonymous Douchebag Fratboy

Dear Anonymous Douchebag Fratboy,

            First of all thank you for attending my play, and thank you for so openly sharing your frustrations, your perspective, and your apologies with me. I’d like to begin by saying that I understand why you feel forced to play the role of the asshole. You have aptly noticed that the hook-up culture is the result of a double narrative where both genders (if we can speak heteronormatively for the moment) play a role in perpetuating it. This being said, I think you missed a crucial point.

You target women as the culprit, women who denied you in the past when you were nice, genuine, and respectful; they were the ones who forced you to play the role. I am similarly dissatisfied with this culture and, like you, I believe it does not foster healthy relationships and instead encourages people to let themselves be treated with disrespect. However, if we are going to speak about feeling victimized by this culture let’s also talk about what different degrees of victimization look like. Yes it does suck having to actively manipulate and hurt someone else when that’s not what you want to do, but it sucks more to be on the receiving end of systemic blows to your self-esteem. Yes it does suck to miss out on an easy hook-up with “blackout, lost, and confused” women, but it sucks more to wake up after a night of being blackout, lost, and confused not remembering the consent you did or did not give and wondering if this uneasy feeling is the result of an assault. It sucks to have to make a habit of tearing down a woman’s self-esteem just to get a date, but it sucks more to have internalized so fully your low self-esteem and oppression that you need the attention of a man in order to feel validated again. I hope it is clear that what is missing from your interpretation is that this culture is not about assholes, it is about power.

             I can see in your email that you are a thoughtful individual at heart, but what I am most troubled by is the justification of what sounds like “I’m sorry I am being forced to hurt you”. It is a displacement of responsibility for your actions which at best results in wondering why a text has not been replied to and at worst results in the current culture of violence we live in where every 9 seconds a woman is assaulted or beaten in America.

            You say you do the things you do because it attracts attention, that being nice doesn’t bring results but I’d like to ask, why should we be rewarded for treating other people with dignity? Why is human respect dispensable when it doesn’t help you get laid? And why is the focus directed towards getting any someone rather than getting the right someone?

You asked me in your email to think about the men in my life and which ones I have friendzoned and which ones I am attracted to. Here it is. The type of man I am attracted to is one who is strong enough to interrupt a culture he does not agree with, one who can keep me interested not by making me wonder whether he will text or not but by his character, his wit, his passions, his talents, and one who does not have to rely on the hook-up scene as his only means of interacting with me. Find me someone like that and I can assure you he will have my attention.

Sincerely,
Christina Liu


(For further questions/comments: cliu@colgate.edu)

“Supporting Survivors – Oneida’s Victims of Violence Program” Brown Bag in honor of Sexual Assault Awareness Month

April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month. On the 16^th, the Center for Women’s Studies honored this awareness campaign with a Brown Bag focused on supporting survivors of domestic and sexual assault. Emily Khazaee, Volunteer Coordinator and Advocate at Victims of Violence in Oneida, NY, Joanne Smith, Community Educator and Advocate at Victims of Violence, and Val Brogan, Colgate University Campus Safety Investigator discussed statistical realities of violence in Madison County. One of the panelists bravely shared her story of experienced childhood physical and sexual abuse. Another panelist explained the services that Victims of Violence offers. Val Brogan explained how Campus Safety and Victims of Violence intersect and work together in order to assist students who have been sexually assaulted. Val lent the powerful message that all Colgate students should feel safe on our campus, and encouraged reporting sexual assault incidences because an attacker can compromise this safe environment for the victim.

The COVE also supported the April Awareness month by hosting a Brown Bag entitled, “SVU: A Day in the Life of a Sexual Assault Nurse Examiner (SANE).” This panel consisted of two female medical staff from the Oneida Healthcare Center who explained to the group how evidence is collected for a rape case – whether or not the victim decides to press charges – in the form of interviews about what the patient experienced and feels, as well as samples coming from the physical body.

I was particularly moved by a story that one of the panelists shared that explained where her motivation for this work initially came from, and why she pushed her hospital to offer these specialized resources for rape victims. One day while working at her hospital, she noticed that a young woman had come into the waiting room. It was a particularly busy day, and the young woman waited and waited, and when she was finally called in to the doctor’s office, she said that she had woken up in a strange place and “just felt weird down there." Because she was unable to describe any concrete event of violence or tangible/visible symptoms, she was sent home without treatment. This story is just one example that demonstrates the extreme importance of sexual assault nurse examiners. SANEs, like the two panelists, play an enormously important role in acknowledging the victim’s struggle, affirming the victim’s dignity, understanding the nuances and seriousness of the sexual assault, and examining the patient in an informed way that will hopefully lead to answered questions for the victim.

Throughout this month, and afterwards, I challenge you to think critically about sexual assault on our campus…acknowledge that it happens, ask why it happens…and then act – shine a light on acquaintance and date rape, open your mind and heart to supporting friends and peers who are survivors, and stand up against practices and behaviors that encourage rape culture and an unequal social climate.

More food for thought:

The Naked Truth About Homosexuality in the Caribbean

                Tuesday’s Brown Bag was titled “The Truth about Homosexuality in the Caribbean” and was co-sponsored by LGBTQ Initiatives. This talk was organized by Colgate’s Caribbean Student Association, a club aimed at spreading and celebrating awareness of Caribbean culture and history. The panel was led by Asabi, an international student from Trinidad & Tobago, Andrew, a student who grew up in Trinidad, and Aisha, a student of Jamaican heritage.  The panel touched on the stigma surrounding homosexuality and the degree to which traditional gender norms are entrenched in Caribbean societies.The issue of sexuality is not one that is talked much about in the Caribbean because of religion and politics. Oftentimes, religion is used as a means of rationalizing homophobic sentiments. One thing that I found particularly interesting to learn about is the use of anti-gay language in Jamaican and Soca music.
             Andrew discussed the small but visible LGBTQ movement in the Caribbean, the ripple effects of President Obama’s announcement of support of same-sex marriage, and the lack of resources available to gay youth. He also touched on the topic of the Trinidad pride festival being one of the few public spaces for performance where LGBTQ identified people can express themselves. I found it interesting tbut not surprising hat this is only acceptable because of the performance aspect. We then got an overview of discriminatory policies on homosexuality and laws in Jamaica and the first gay organization in the country.I think a key part of understand the history of discrimination in the Caribbean is understanding that the disparity between perception of gay men and women has its roots in slavery. Slave owners used the denial of masculinity as a means of control and after the era of formal slavery, former slaves built a culture on grounded in the development of masculinity as identity to retake the freedom that was once denied to them. I think this information really  illuminated the part of the reason behind the stigma on homosexuality. The panel was later joined via video by students from the Jamaica study group who  spoke about the experiences in and out of the classroom on the topic of homosexuality.  

Susan A. Patton's Op-ed in the Daily Princetonian

On March 29, 2013, the Daily Princetonian published a letter to the editor from alumna Susan A. Patton urging women at Princeton to snag a Princeton man before graduation. If you haven’t yet heard about the letter, here is a bit of context: Patton had attended a Women and Leadership conference on campus featuring a conversation between President Shirley Tilghman and Wilson School professor Anne-Marie Slaughter, author of the much talked about article, “Why Women Still Can’t Have it All.” While these women focused on fundamental issues such as work/life balance and leadership, Patton preferred to focus on a much different issue in her letter. Patton’s letter to the Princetonian argues that women are no longer interested in career advice after having repeatedly been bombarded with it. Patton writes:

You girls glazed over at preliminary comments about our professional accomplishments and the importance of networking. Then the conversation shifted in tone and interest level when one of you asked how have Kendall and I sustained a friendship for 40 years. You asked if we were ever jealous of each other. You asked about the value of our friendship, about our husbands and children. Clearly, you don’t want any more career advice. At your core, you know that there are other things that you need that nobody is addressing. A lifelong friend is one of them. Finding the right man to marry is another.

After establishing a perceived need for relationship advice, Patton proceeds to argue that women, specifically Princeton women, must make finding a husband a priority while at school. She claims that Princeton women need men who are intellectually equal to them in order to foster a happy marriage. She writes, “For most of you, the cornerstone of your future and happiness will be inextricably linked to the man you marry, and you will never again have this concentration of men who are worthy of you.” Further, according to Patton, the earlier a Princeton woman finds a Princeton man, the better, since, she believes, the pool of available partners dwindles as time goes on.

            I could go on and on to recount the other numerous things Patton says in her letter, but, for the purposes of this blog, I think you can pretty much get the point. The letter has received a ton of media attention for the problematic nature of its content. Many argue that Patton is promoting the 1950’s idea of an MRS degree and others point out the problematic nature of Patton’s assumptions that women at Princeton necessarily want to get married, nonetheless get married to men. I agree with many of the critiques of the letter that highlight the issues with what Patton says. She does assume that all the women in the audience are heterosexual and that they necessarily want to get married, and I do see the issues that go along with that. She obviously promotes a traditionalist and heteronormative ideal that consistently pervades our culture; an ideal that I do think needs to change. I do, however, kind of get what she was trying to say.

            After receiving backlash for the article, Patton has gone on to defend her letter. She claims that what she meant by what she wrote was that intellectual compatibility is important in a relationship and that women should take advantage of their four years at school where they are completely surrounded by intellectually compatible mates.  While I do think she could have phrased this much differently (aka phrase it the way she did when she responded to the backlash), I do want to say that she does make somewhat of a valid point. I don’t necessarily think that anyone needs to rush into marriage, nor do I think that it should be a priority when you're between the ages of 18 and 22 (for the most part), but I do think that college is a time when people foster some of the most important relationships of their lives. In order to foster these relationships, however, we need intellectual compatibility. We, as college students pick our schools in order to surround ourselves with equally intelligent people for a reason. I know many of you can think of a time when you spoke to someone who wasn't "on your level" and how irritating that was. It's true. We need intellectual compatibility, but not just for marriage, we need it for friendships and every other type of human interaction. So, even though Patton pigeonholes this necessity for intellectual compatibility to just marriage, if we think about it on a broader level, she does in fact have a point. 

          Also, I would like to point out that Patton never mentions anything about women solely using college to find a husband, nor does she ever mention that women should stay at home after getting married. As a member of the women’s pioneering class at Princeton in 1973, I don’t think it is fair to say that she is an anti-feminist. Yes, maybe she didn’t go about it the best way, but I don’t think she necessarily said or meant what many have gone on to interpret from her letter. I feel as though many are ready to attack those who do not adhere to either, for lack of better terms, traditional or progressive ideals. What is happening with Patton actually reminds me of the backlash Sheryl Sandberg has received (which I could go on about as well). Yes, it is our job as feminists and as members of society to view our actions critically, but maybe sometimes we should be less quick to attack and more willing to listen.

-Ariel Rivera ‘13